the last practice at Pranify Yoga, four days before her arrival :)

my birth story. ooooee, I’m excited to share this out in the world.
I’ve taken some good time (literally the last 7 months) to process my (our) experience of bringing Miss Aubrey Sloane Jacobson earth-side.
and really, it was all her. she brought herself here… in 3 hours… lol she was ready. and so was I, so were we? I think?

I have a few boundaries I want to share before I dive into my story:
- this is 1000% my experience and mine alone. I’m going to be as candid as possible.
- I’m sharing my story in hopes of shedding light on how pregnancy, labour + birth can be positively different than what you may have been conditioned to think it is.
- I’m not open to the “ya, but there are some reasons why people can’t do it this way" dialogue, I know there is and please refer back to my first point above.
- I am not sharing this to try to convince you that you should do it this way, refer to my second point above.
- I love you — my hope is that this is helpful in some way to you or someone you might know.

patiently waiting… this was the last photo I took of myself: the night before I went into labour!

Alright let’s go.

It’s the night of Monday January 31st, which was also the night of the new moon, and we finished watching The Alpinist on amazon prime — if you’ve seen this you were likely on the edge of your seat like we were. I was 40 weeks + 5 days. We went to bed and I could tell Grant was a little restless so I asked him if he was okay and he says “no! I have so much on my mind, our neighbour sounds like they’re putting up pictures (and it’s 1130pm lol) and I can’t fall asleep.” We also don’t sleep soundly around the new or full moon so we didn’t really think anything of not being able to settle in but oh baby, it sure was the new moon that night. Then all of a sudden I’m like “I’m not feeling well” I had an upset stomach but hadn’t eaten for a few hours so that was odd. It’s worth mentioning I haven’t had any contractions or anything the week leading up, maybe a few cramps but I’d move or stand up and they were gone so I didn’t think anything of me not feeling so hot. I also felt so huge, I was getting more uncomfortable and things were juicy down there so I figured it was going to happen some time soon but I trusted miss Aubs that she’d come through in her own time + my body would know when.
— This is a great place to tell you that our midwife called that afternoon to make “a plan” for the week because “I was over 40 weeks.” I put those words in quotations because birth lovingly doesn’t give a shit about your plan and it’s only in Canada and the US that they get all alarmist about being over 40 weeks. In some cultures they will deliver babes at 44 weeks and because I knew that and had heard many stories of perfectly healthy babes that were over 40 weeks I trusted everything was more than fine. The midwives also have a guideline of 42 weeks maximum for home births so that’s why they wanted to make a plan for approaching that timeline. I didn’t have any previously determined risks either. Anyways, I was in tears because the “recommendation was to go to the hospital to get a non-stress test that will only take 20 minutes so we can see my fluid levels, the movement of babe and heart beats.” As previously mentioned the hospital was the last place I wanted to be and it was still winter… please don’t make me put on my winter jacket that doesn’t fit and go hang out in a sterile building with strangers trying to pathologize my baby. that might sound savage but #endofpregnancyfeels lol IYKYK. I felt my baby was more than fine, I felt my placenta was taking great care of her, I felt my fluid levels were dialled still, my waters hadn’t released, and I was still feeling her move a ton. This is where I want to empower whoever is reading this to trust trust trust your body and baby. nobody knows better than you. no-body. seriously nobody. so I told our midwife (who was incredible by the way) that we would discuss and email her that night. she said ‘great and just so you know it’s actually a great sign that you’re emotional, that means hormones are shifting which is another hint that babe is getting ready to be here!’ Yay —7pm rolls around and I email her saying that we’ll come to the clinic (malachite) for a blood pressure and heart beat check-in at the end of the week which was still 5 days away and we didn’t want the non-stress test. it’s really important to advocate for what you want (and don’t want) in any and all settings, whether it’s a midwife or doctor - you are in charge of your body. it’s called body autonomy. no one can make you do anything you don’t want, your providers are there to lay out the lines, explain the situation, share the pros/cons and you get to make your decision.

segue back to “i’m not feeling well” it’s 11:45pm. I went downstairs and got a gravol (this was suggested so I could keep getting good sleep and stay rested — one of the main factors of first times mamas not being able to stay at home for their birth was that they don’t rest enough in early labour and then are exhausted by the time it actually comes to getting babe here so I took this really seriously — this was actually one of my questions to the midwife “is there anything that you can suggest to maximize my chance of staying at home and not going to the hospital and she literally said REST! 'ok that is something I can control on this rollercoaster of non-control lol) and then I went poo and felt a little better. I laid back in bed and not 5 minutes later I say to Grant “I think I’m going to be sick, you know that watery mouth feeling right before you puke? yep, that’s it” so I head of to the bathroom in our room and tell Grant to leave me be haha. Meanwhile, he’s on google looking up what early labour signs are… pooping + vomiting, check check.

after everything has emptied, literally, I am still on the floor in my house coat and I start having contractions. it’s 12am. At this point I think I was somewhat in denial that I was about to have a baby but I knew it was contractions because they were NOT cramps and they were NOT anything I had been feeling previous to now. I shout to the room “baby, get your timer out” he starts timing them, they’re 30-50 seconds long with a few minutes in between. then they start getting wayyy stronger and I’m like “maybe you should text Angie” (our doula) it’s now the middle of the night and he’s like “yaa, no. I’m gonna call her.” Fast forward through the call she’s like “put me on speaker, roz how intense are these contractions out of 10” I say 6-7 and I’m now realizing things are definitely picking up speed. She said ‘ok I’m gonna come pay you guys a visit and you can turn me away but I’m coming. and oh ya, call the midwife and update her on all of this.’ So we do. And she tells me to try to get some sleep - to which I’m like ‘there is no way I’m resting right now and I’m absolutely not going back to sleep right now lol.’ She says ok well you might be calling me back in an hour or so but I’ll start getting my things together. Bingo, Angie gets there. It’s 1am. Grant starts inflating the birth pool that we rented [LOL] because we had no signs up til this point we didn’t think we needed to quite yet. Angie is rubbing my back, looks down at the bottom of my house coat and my mucus plug had released and there was some blood. another good sign. we get towels. Grant’s making our bed with the plastic sheet and old sheets which we thought we would have time for during early labour, not now while things are feeling fast + a bit chaotic. I keep riding the waves. thank god for the muscle stim machine and hip squeezes, if you don’t have a doula I’d highly recommend one or at very least get your partner to watch some youtube videos on hip squeezes and test them out so you can share what kind of pressure you like/don’t like ie. communication skills beforehand!!!

as I’m hunched on the floor leaning over our closed toilet feeling like I’m dying slightly, Grant is racing around trying to get the pool filled which is not going well because it was a very large pool and was taking foreverrr (we thought we rented the smaller one, surpriiise it was massive and took up our whole living room oh and the liner wasn’t the right size) I really wanted to be in the pool and Angie says “do you think it’s insane to get up and try to go down stairs right now?” I’m like ‘yes, there is no way I can get off the floor right now’. We both look at the bathtub right beside us in our bathroom and she goes “okay well there’s a perfectly good bathtub right beside us, lets just fill this up.” we get that going. Things continue progressing… intense as anything I’ve ever felt. also to note: my body is now pushing. Angie shouts down the stairs to Grant, “stop filling the pool, we’re doing the tub.” I tell Angie “I can’t stop pushing” and this will be forever imprinted on my mind, she replies “okay well just try not to push extra” which is actually so comical if you think about it and yes it was hilarious after the fact but super serious in the moment. another side note: the midwife is not here yet and Angie is now like ‘okay well I’m not going to deliver this baby, like I could, but let’s get her here.’ I climb in the tub. She calls down to Grant again, who I’m sure was probably getting the lasagna out of the freezer because I told him to as I was so set on feeding our team even though it was the middle of the night, and says “call the midwife!” We get her updated on all the details to that point and she says ‘okay I’m on my way.’ Remember this is winter in Kelowna, it’s snowing, it’s the middle of the night and we live in Kettle Valley in a row of townhouses where our door is in the back laneway — she cannot find our place! it’s 2:05am. She’s calling Grant for assistance and he goes out on the street, shows her where to park and is like ‘Roz is upstairs in the tub in our room, tell me what bags you need and I’ll bring them.” She comes in and I was honestly so happy to see her. the waves in the tub were obviously gaining intensity by this point, my body is still pushing and I was worrying and saying “no no no” every time a wave came. Angie kept reminding me to follow my body and that I could birth my baby anywhere: that was some powerful shit to hear when I felt like I was on another planet and as a first time mama, having my midwife there was like a very important safety blanket you don’t leave behind. First our midwife checked on babe’s heart rate and she was doing great in there. We’ve fully abandoned ship on the pool downstairs and decided that even though the bathtub in our other bathroom is bigger, I was staying in our tub. What we didn’t know (because we don’t take baths in there) is that the drain seal isn’t sealed anymore so the tub has been slowly emptying this whole time lol. Our midwife mentions “if you want to stay in this tub, you need more water in there now.” She’s setting up some things in our room. Grant comes to check on me after he had been getting our biggest pots on the stove for more hot water which we now don’t need haha. We have some time together, him kneeling by the tub and at this point, me basically roaring with every surge. To this point I had been in a half squat in the tub with one foot down out in front of me and the other shin down on the floor of the tub (almost like half sleeping hero for my yogis out there) - and alternating sides as I needed. With each surge I would lift up a little bit and I held the bathtub rail so damn hard my hands hurt the next morning. I forgot about the comb trick but thought about that after the fact - squeezing a comb with tines down in your palm can be helpful for surges I’ve heard! Our midwife then asks if we can do a check and I answer “do we have to?” lol I didn’t really want to be touched and it was clear to me that we were going to meet our baby soon so what the hell was the point. She wanted to see how far down the head was (ie. how close this babe was to coming out) because she needed to call our second midwife for support!! and said ‘how about you check?’ Ok I can do it. I’m breathing and in between surges, I reach down and felt her head inside me but it wasn’t right right there yet. Oh but she was coming! Our midwife walks out into our room and is finishing setting up her things. Only a few more surges and I reach down and say “OMG the heads out” there was no pause for another surge and baby Aubrey slides out into the tub!!!! it’s 2:50am. I scoop her up and bring her to my chest and it was the most wild amazing incredible feeling in the world hearing Aubs wail as soon as I brought her out of the water. One thing I had in the back of my mind about doing a home birth was that I really didn’t want to have to transfer to the hospital but obviously would if she needed it - sometimes they need a little help breathing but Aubs was sure testing out her pipes and oh wow, it was a sound to hear! Our midwife comes rushing back into the bathroom, pulling towels off the racks to cover up babe and now the biggest wave of emotion comes up and out of me, I am bawling. I birthed my own baby. It was so awesome. Wow as I’m writing this it’s like I’m right there again. I pull Aubs off of my chest and turn her towards Grant, I move her umbilical cord out of the way and say “IT’S A GIRL!” — it was the most special arrival; we didn’t know her sex before that moment and we saw it together. Imprinted forever.

there were a few moments of chill time just looking at Aubs - *we hadn’t chose her name yet.. we took 3 days to choose Aubrey - and then with me holding her, Angie and Grant got us up and out of the tub, wrapped in towels and on to our bed. I am now shaking uncontrollably from the adrenaline dump of a baby coming out of my body so they got extra blankets and Grant rubbed my legs to warm me up as I snuggle our little miss. The adrenaline drop is something I didn’t know would be so intense until it was happening and it’s super common after babe is born; make sure you have some cozy blankets nearby to stay warm right after!

So it was 3 hours from the start of early labour to Aubs making her grand entrance, what a ride. This short of time is not super common in first births but hey, here we are. Like I said at the beginning, she was ready to be here! I birthed the placenta in a leaning half squat position off the side of the bed after some time which took a little extra work as there were some tissues that it was slightly caught on inside. A few fake coughs and a gentle tug from our midwife and it was out. Grant cut the cord once it had turned white and all the blood went to miss Aubrey. Delayed cord cutting was really important to us and isn’t something they routinely do in the hospital so if you’re curious about that, look into it for yourself and tell your provider what you want to do.

21.5 in long, 9lb 6oz baby Aubrey born February 1st, 2022!

The second midwife had apparently got there just after she was born haha I didn’t know. They took my blood pressure ever hour for 3 hours, did their checks on Aubrey, gave me a few sutures which I feel was because it all happened so fast and this all happened from the comfort of our own bed - what a time! 6am rolls around and the midwives say “okay we’re all done! we’re gonna go” and we had the first-time-parents “oh shit” moment where we realized they were leaving us to care for an infant and be a fam of 3 now! There were a lot of things being rifled off at us about whats normal in these first few days, when to call the midwife, when to call 911, how many diapers and the like. I remember looking at Grant with the look of “I hope you’re catching all this lol” I am so grateful for my hubby Grant, our doula Angie, who has retired from doula work but we’re so glad we were one of her last births and to our midwives Vanessa and Kathleen from Malachite for supporting us in my absolute dream birth. I feel compelled to share my story and my experience because overall women are wildly under-supported when it comes to pregnancy, labour, birth and really motherhood as a whole. We could dive into all the ways the patriarchy is at the helm but we’ll save that for another time. Perhaps this could inspire others to take on their pregnancies + births with ultimate intention and treat the crossover to motherhood as a sacred journey where you are fully in the driver's seat. If you’re a mama or to-be mama and you are curious about anything I’ve mentioned, I really implore you to dig into resources that feel aligned for you or ask for help and reach out! I learned so much during this time and it helped sooth my worries, fears and doubts. Don’t be scared of what you don’t know —largely we weren’t taught these things as growing girls, you might have been left to learn about them on TLC’s A Baby Story like me lol. I’ll leave you with a quote that made such an impact on me mid-pregnancy and is so real now:

“there will come a time when you believe everything is finished: that will be the beginning” - louis l’amour
(nothing more truer spoken than when your babe is now earth-side forever)

what else supported my process:

-language is everything — you might have noticed I said water’s released instead of broken, surges instead of contractions, this was a big deal to me in how I related to and envisioned the events of actually bringing a baby into this world. also when I shared with friends about our plan to birth at home I shared it like this “I’m holding the vision of a smooth, lovefest home birth” and I asked certain people that I trusted with my heart to hold that vision if they had space.
-positive birth stories in my ears, head and heart — this created trust that I could do what woman are made to be able to do and have been doing since the start of time.
-find home birth videos and photos on instagram — this helped my imagination so my thoughts didn’t run wild of “everything that could go wrong.”
-therapy/counselling were so impactful — I feel I cleared the slate of any past relationship trauma, junk and family stuff so Aubs could come through and we could be an intentional, conscious family of 3. the work is never done but know that it’s never too early or too late to heal stuff from your past.
-leave being reckless off the table — I took my time to make my decisions with all the tests throughout my pregnancy rather than just simply agreeing because they said so or recklessly saying no to everything because of principle. get grounded + talk through it with your partner or loved ones before making your choice will go a long way.
-ask your questions to mama’s you look up to — I found answers to my questions and quelled my fears by getting lived experiences from mamas who I love and who love me. I also created a boundary when I shared on social media that I was pregnant where I wrote that I wasn’t currently accepting any advice — it mostly worked but women will still share unsolicited advice, most of which wasn’t helpful or kind; heads up for that!
-be intentional about the birth space — who do you want there? what do you want it to feel like? I wanted my mom, Grant, Angie and the midwives, with the lights low, relaxing music on with my affirmations on the wall. everything happened so fast I didn’t get a chance to call my mom or put my affirmations up lol so remember that your best laid plans might not actually roll out.

Please know I am not anti-allopathic medicine/hospitals but there is a time and place for it and birth is not one of them. After hearing stories from so many friends and friends of friends about how their births went sideways at the hospital - when there were previously no risks or medical concerns (I could tell you a handful of stories off the top of my head) - and going through my own experience can I actually stand on this side of the fence and say that with confidence.

Ok and one last thing. Do your own research + do what feels right for you. If you’re a pregnant mama or want to be pregnant and you’re contemplating where to birth — do it where you feel the most safe. Safety is literally the #1 physiological (+psychological +emotional, too) need when it comes to birth. The hospital was the last place I wanted to be when I was bringing Aubs into the world because I don't feel comfortable there. All of my past life experiences at a hospital have been related to sickness + death… not health + life which was the main intention for our birth. Also, I was born at KGH so that’s a funny nuance to this story.

Thank you for being here and taking this in.
All our love,
Roz, Grant & Aubs.

ps. if you feel pulled to reach out and let me know how this landed in a positive way, I’d love to hear from you